My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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