I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
