Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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