My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
