Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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