Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
