We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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