I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
