Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
