The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
