My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
