That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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