apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize