I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
