Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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