i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
