i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
