I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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