We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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