I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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