You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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