ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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