Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
