Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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