Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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