Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
