we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So many bounce houses so little time
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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