The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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