I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
