its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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