i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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