i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
