Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?