break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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