Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I cut my penus on the lid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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