I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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