Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
