I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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