you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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