My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
