Don't you send me to vm
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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