Porn is love you can see.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
