Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize