We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
