The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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