I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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