So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
