Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
