big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize