Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
