Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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