My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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