yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
