i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
