She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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