those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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