I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
