You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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