I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
