I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
