My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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