I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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